Ups and Downs, Ups and Downs

First I have to say OMG what a weekend !! this weekend was my oldest daughter's birthday. It was a lot of fun. First was spent the morning talking and laughing about how it was had to find her the day before. Then I relizied I need to call for a appointment because an 11 year old has a Very busy social life. So after that was went and finished getting the decorations for her party which was funny. I thought being 11 she would want you know regular balloons ...boy was I wrong. She picked out and wanted a Tinker Bell balloon. I just don't get it some times. But that was ok when we got back to the house we had a small cake just for her, brother, sister, mom, papa, and papa patti. A small family before her big party. Normal thing we sing Happy Birthday she blows out the candles. Then it happens. She began cutting the cake, but she cuts all around the words "Happy Birthday Audrey". She said that No One is eating that part but her. Papa Patti saked her if she was going to eat that and she said yes. That is was her cake. Audrey turns around to wash her hands and she hears papa Patti if she was getting ready to eat her cake. Audrey replied with yes and tuned aroung to see papa Patti say good and SMASH the rest of her cake in her face. It was So funny ... We were all laughing. It was all in fun and Audrey knew that. The it happended ...

OK I am having a problem. I thought this was a place I could wright about how "I" was feeling. It's about me right? I need to get things out some how. So Please someone explain what I am doing wrong. I have managed to loose 1 of my closest friends so In a short amount of time I have become open minded and I now listen to things a LOT closer now. I am a chainging person. I still wish I had the ability to go back and change things.... take care of things differently, say things differently, but I know I can't. I can't change the past all I can do is learn from my mastikes and make the future better. Maybe I can Earn back some of the things I lost. I know it will take time things don't happen over night. But they can happen.