Long Time

It has been a long time since I posted last and a lot has happended. Once again I and back in the one place I don't want to be fighting for my kids again, this stime for good and peremtly.T hey have lived with their Great aunt for 1 1/2 years. They was in a stable routing environment. I would talk to them and they would tell me everything that they were doing. Like baseball, soccer, gymanstic, and so on and they sounded great. Did I miss them Oh My God Yes! , but I knew I could not take care of them right now and I knew I could not do it by myself. Everyone thinks I didn't have a plan but I did. Steve and I were (and are) still together and he would talk about getting a bigger place. He knew I wanted me kids to come live with us. He just kept saying this place we are in is not big enough tho. I knew that and I never pushed him on it at least I didn't think I did. But 1 day I get a phone call the babies daddy has decided to take them the place they have been for a year and a half and take them to yet another town and another new school. It is not fair to them to be keep being moved around the way they are. He barly saw them in the year and a half they were at their aunts. Now suddendly he is going to get re-married and have another baby. He can't take care of the 3 he has now and he is fixin to have another baby with someone that is 10 years older than my oldest baby. I had my 1st baby when I was 18 and I know how hard it was and this girl is only 20 fixin to have a baby of her own and then expected to take care of my 3. Now I will say I have never met her but she has no Idea what 1 baby is going to be like to take care of. Their daddy has not taken care of them the 3 years we have been apart. First he took them to my brother and sister-in-law and they had them for 6 months right up until they wanted temporary gardienship so they could take care of them and if they moved the babies could move with them. That made their dadddy mad and he came took them out of the their aunt and uncle's house and said no one it taking his kids and took them. That was one of the first times I came back and that was a huge mess. He moved them from their aunt and uncle's to a house in the same town then could not take care of it. Like dishes , laundary things that had to be done and the kids were living in this filith. So he decided to move to another town and another house. Which means yet another move and another school for the kids. Well he is suppost to be school full time so he can't get a job. So how is he paying for food, bills and things...Well he is borrowing from people. The school he is going to is not even in the town that he moved them too. So now he has to have someone come get the kids to take them to school and stay with them after school. This gos in until he finally takes them to their great aunts and she helps take care of them ...puts them in school, daycare takes them to the doctor whatever they need. Now I am paying child support but he is not giving it the the aunt to take care of the kids he just keeps telling everyone that is am not paying it. that goes on for a year and a half. Til right about 2 months ago I get a phone call saying that he is wanting to take the kids again to another house and another school in another town. They are wanting me to talk to him and try to stop it.(Right he didn't do anything I asked or even listen to me the 10 years we were married like he is going to do something I asked now.) So now I am back to fighting for cusody of my 3 babies and feeling so alone. I love my babies I do but I don't know how to do this by myself. I want to get them and take them back to Va. where I was the happiest but, I can afforide to take care of then by myself up there. So here I am feeling mesrible. I see the babies all the time and get them for the weekends but, I don't know what to do. There is just nothing here and I know they bored but I just don't know what to do for them. Then I find myself missing my home, my job, everything up there I wanted to share and give my babies. A place with hope and a future, to be with 2 people that love each other , my son to have another boy to play with and learn from. Now I am afraid I have lost the man I love and the life and future I always dreamed of with the man I love, his son I love like he was mine, and my children. But knowing I will never have that now well........