Catch up

I keep forgetting about this one. Lets take care of that. Many things has went on from My birthday to Christmas. My Birthday was quiet. I want to say most people forgot but for once... several remembered. Surprise for me. Lets see that was Tuseday Wed. and Thurs. were Very Long for me. I Opended and Close work.
Friday was ... well My Dad's wedding. I was able to get many pictures. He/No They were so happy. It was a small ceremony 16 people tops. After the wedding we went to lunch then came back to the house. Well they did I ran all over town to finish getting things together for their Surprise Reception. I managed to get a suite that had a sitting room and a bed room with a hot tub and everything for them. They were really surprised. Every one told me how wonderful I was and how Great it looked. Even my dad and step mom. I told them just because "Hey I couldn't have my Fantasy doesn't mean you couldn't one. I just wanted them to have a special day... They deserve it. :) Then that night... Well I got to take a breath. (I have not done that in ...well 6 months now.) So I decided to have a drink....ok a BIG one. I did not get drunk but Damn I was tipsy. Feeling No pain... for once.
Saturday I got my babies. Let the fun begin.....
We did all kinds of things from computer games to going to the lake and running around. Well until about 5 then we had a family night. My brother, sister-in-law, nephews, aunt, little cousin, and uncle. Well my kids and dad and step mom and step brother. We did Christmas Eve with them and Christmas morning with just the 7 of us.
Christmas Day ... it started real funny. I remember My brother and I getting up early and being Soooo exicted.... My kids did not want to get up. When they finally did it took them awhile to go into it, but they did. When they were opening there presents my son opened one, It was a T-shirt of the Pumpkin King (Jack~Nightmare Before Christmas) He was surprised. Then he got up and walked over to me and handed it to me. He said "Here Mommy I want you to have this ... I know how much you like Jack" I was Sooo shocked. I told him with teary eyes .. "That was for him... I bought it for you" I asked him if he really knew why. He looked at me and I asked him what is his nickname from me... he said pumpkin. I told him thats right .... You are My Pumpkin King. He smiled Soooo big and gave me the Biggest hug ever. :) Then he went back and joined his sisters to open the rest of his Christmas presents.
Them my step mom went to cook some cameral rolls for breakfast and they started to slip when she took them out of the oven, but she did catch then ... with her bare hand. Needless to say my dad and I cooked the rest of the Christmas dinner.
I know there was more but I cant remember right now... when I remember I will put it in.

Nicer on a Monday

Ohhhhhh Myyyyyyyy


ok I will do this now ... which is probly not the best time, but hey since when am I good with timeing.... Ok Well once timeing has been good for me about one thing. I mean hey I found my Guardian Angel ... which showed me my Destiny. Which is one reason I can stop Smiling ... even with what is going on Next Friday. ( I just wish he could be here with me, but I understan why he can't) But thats ok January is coming ;)
Is it me or does a computer have too many keys.

"Wee Care"

To night was my school Christmas party. We did an ornament exchange and yes ... I got a CareBear Orinment. :) Then we went to the "Back Door Theater for dinner and a show. We saw "Wee Care" OMG that was So funny, It was about a childcare.
About "Wee Care":
This comedy follows Lance Lott as he tries to go about his life and operate his day-care business, Lancelot's Tots.

But life won't cooperate.

Lance keeps getting calls from people trying to sell him something - he doesn't have caller ID (Example he gets a cll wanting him to buy alliumne sighting adn he proseeds to tell him that "yes he does nned the sighting the termited adn just eating through the Bricj walls")- and his mom keeps trying to help her son out, although he keeps telling her that he's all grown up now and can handle things on his own. (He tells his mom that she has to have a food handlers card ..." It was the LAW and it is even in the constution". That was all he could think of at the last minute.Then a few day later she comes in and has one.)

But none of that compares to the trouble he gets into courtesy of his best friend, Greg .

Greg has decided that he's going to become rich by doing some trading on the Internet. But he hasn't told his wife Andi about it. He doesn't realize that Andi already knows about Greg's schemes and wants him to confess. Lance tries to convince Greg to quit day trading because it's so high risk and to tell Andi what he's been doing.

Greg isn't too bright, though, and somehow because of him, the SWAT team ends up at the day care ... ( Yes his mom lied about getting to care... She os going to Jail... not) well, you'll have to see the play.

The only thing that seems to give poor Lance's life the harmonic balance that it needs is Lindsey, who works at the day care and keeps things running smoothly.

It was So funny, but I think also cause most of the people there worked in child care.
Which is why I asked ... "So this is what happend in the front office .... Can I transfew to the front office?"

If I could go see it again ... I SOOOO would!

WOW

I have to say WOW. (Im exicted....NOT World of Warcraft) I have not smiled this much in a while. I actually feel (brace your self) Happy.(I know Shocking) I have smiled for sever days now. Even through the house fire and all. I am on my road and things are getting better. Its slow baby steps but you will get there. Thanks to everyone who was there to help he in my low points. I have taken up many things. One which I really enjoy is Thai Boxing, Kali, and Bahala Na. Thanks Lee you were right. There really is a sky about the dark clouds.

Not Even 8am

OMG!! What a day already and it is just now 8am. OK let me explain ... I get of 530am to go to the store. Damn that is early, but any ways not big deal. We leave for the store a little after 6am. We go to the store and can't find some of the things that was on our list. What else is new. Then we get back to the house a little after 7am. Come in the house, turn the heater on and put groceries away. We sit down for a few minutes before we start to cook breakfast. Then it happens.... from across the room I see a little flash of light. I walk over to the heater and there is smoke coming from the outlet. Damn. "Daddy we have a problem..." Then more sparks. a lot of smoke....then the fire brakes out. We finally get the fire out and sit down and let out a deep breath. After a few jokes and laughs about some things that went on during the fire the clock goes off and says "It is now 8 O'clock AM" We just laugh and as DAMN what a day already and it has bearly started.

Ups and Downs, Ups and Downs

First I have to say OMG what a weekend !! this weekend was my oldest daughter's birthday. It was a lot of fun. First was spent the morning talking and laughing about how it was had to find her the day before. Then I relizied I need to call for a appointment because an 11 year old has a Very busy social life. So after that was went and finished getting the decorations for her party which was funny. I thought being 11 she would want you know regular balloons ...boy was I wrong. She picked out and wanted a Tinker Bell balloon. I just don't get it some times. But that was ok when we got back to the house we had a small cake just for her, brother, sister, mom, papa, and papa patti. A small family before her big party. Normal thing we sing Happy Birthday she blows out the candles. Then it happens. She began cutting the cake, but she cuts all around the words "Happy Birthday Audrey". She said that No One is eating that part but her. Papa Patti saked her if she was going to eat that and she said yes. That is was her cake. Audrey turns around to wash her hands and she hears papa Patti if she was getting ready to eat her cake. Audrey replied with yes and tuned aroung to see papa Patti say good and SMASH the rest of her cake in her face. It was So funny ... We were all laughing. It was all in fun and Audrey knew that. The it happended ...

OK I am having a problem. I thought this was a place I could wright about how "I" was feeling. It's about me right? I need to get things out some how. So Please someone explain what I am doing wrong. I have managed to loose 1 of my closest friends so In a short amount of time I have become open minded and I now listen to things a LOT closer now. I am a chainging person. I still wish I had the ability to go back and change things.... take care of things differently, say things differently, but I know I can't. I can't change the past all I can do is learn from my mastikes and make the future better. Maybe I can Earn back some of the things I lost. I know it will take time things don't happen over night. But they can happen.

Rock Bottom

WOW! life is Really full of a lot of punches. So what do you do when the punches have you down on the ground, you have lost all of your support and you a razor to your arm. (Besides say "DAMN so this is what rock bottom feels like ") Well .... I said it was time to quite and give up on everything ...give up on the world. Why not, everything and everyone has given up on me. Then I saw the look in someone's eyes. Someone I Love They told me 1) I did the right thing and called for help and 2) They told me " BULL FUCKING SHIT!!! It's time to Kick Ass and take names" and he was right. I will be damned if I am going to let this rock and everything in it beat me. I am tired of being the victim and taking all the punches..... NO MORE!! I am a whole lot better and deserve a lot better than this. I am not quieting and if I go it wont be by my hands. I wont go down with out a fight.
I learned a lot of things tonight such as much as you may want something from the past back, but no you don't. Everything happens for a reason if you did you would just end up right back where you are now and time passes to fast to keep reliving something that is wrong. Somethings was just not meant to be. At the end of the day You is all You have.
Now you can sit there and say " I told you so " or "Isn't that what I have been telling you?" and so on, but unless you have been my shadow and live through this as I have you don't really know my feelings. What has happened to me is not just something you get over and forget. It is something you work past. It takes time and will make me a better stronger person. Some people I met tonight helped me understand. Don't let what happen up set you let is PISS YOU OFF and fight it. And they were right I WILL NOT to be a Victim any more.
You may say yea right you will believe it when you see it . Well let me say this ... 1)I will not and have not ever turned my back on anyone I have cared for no matter how bad it gets or how hard it got ...no matter what. I have took punches for them and from them. Regardless I never left them. And 2) the most important.... I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING TO ANYONE just my self and that is all that matters. I am pretty, I am smart, and No-one is going to push me down again I won't let them!

Scared

Ok so here I am ...today is my first court hearing and I am scared to
death. I have no friends here. I have no one to talk to. I talked to
dome friends on line this morning and I told them how I was feeling
and they gave me a LOT of positive advice and out look on things and
that means a lot to me. So I went to get a chai and try to relax. Well
the Starbucks here is real small but, I sit there for a little while
anyways and just watched the people come in and out. I do know one
thing this is not my Starbucks lets just say that. So I left and I
found my self driving around in circles. One of my friends called and
we talked for a few minutes well right up until one of our phones
quit. Then I decided to just come back to my dads. I don't know how
this hearing is going to go but, I guess I will find out in about 1
hour and 45 minutes. Great just enough time to have a nervous
breakdown then go to court. I guess I will stop here for now then
write more after the hearing.

Long Time

It has been a long time since I posted last and a lot has happended. Once again I and back in the one place I don't want to be fighting for my kids again, this stime for good and peremtly.T hey have lived with their Great aunt for 1 1/2 years. They was in a stable routing environment. I would talk to them and they would tell me everything that they were doing. Like baseball, soccer, gymanstic, and so on and they sounded great. Did I miss them Oh My God Yes! , but I knew I could not take care of them right now and I knew I could not do it by myself. Everyone thinks I didn't have a plan but I did. Steve and I were (and are) still together and he would talk about getting a bigger place. He knew I wanted me kids to come live with us. He just kept saying this place we are in is not big enough tho. I knew that and I never pushed him on it at least I didn't think I did. But 1 day I get a phone call the babies daddy has decided to take them the place they have been for a year and a half and take them to yet another town and another new school. It is not fair to them to be keep being moved around the way they are. He barly saw them in the year and a half they were at their aunts. Now suddendly he is going to get re-married and have another baby. He can't take care of the 3 he has now and he is fixin to have another baby with someone that is 10 years older than my oldest baby. I had my 1st baby when I was 18 and I know how hard it was and this girl is only 20 fixin to have a baby of her own and then expected to take care of my 3. Now I will say I have never met her but she has no Idea what 1 baby is going to be like to take care of. Their daddy has not taken care of them the 3 years we have been apart. First he took them to my brother and sister-in-law and they had them for 6 months right up until they wanted temporary gardienship so they could take care of them and if they moved the babies could move with them. That made their dadddy mad and he came took them out of the their aunt and uncle's house and said no one it taking his kids and took them. That was one of the first times I came back and that was a huge mess. He moved them from their aunt and uncle's to a house in the same town then could not take care of it. Like dishes , laundary things that had to be done and the kids were living in this filith. So he decided to move to another town and another house. Which means yet another move and another school for the kids. Well he is suppost to be school full time so he can't get a job. So how is he paying for food, bills and things...Well he is borrowing from people. The school he is going to is not even in the town that he moved them too. So now he has to have someone come get the kids to take them to school and stay with them after school. This gos in until he finally takes them to their great aunts and she helps take care of them ...puts them in school, daycare takes them to the doctor whatever they need. Now I am paying child support but he is not giving it the the aunt to take care of the kids he just keeps telling everyone that is am not paying it. that goes on for a year and a half. Til right about 2 months ago I get a phone call saying that he is wanting to take the kids again to another house and another school in another town. They are wanting me to talk to him and try to stop it.(Right he didn't do anything I asked or even listen to me the 10 years we were married like he is going to do something I asked now.) So now I am back to fighting for cusody of my 3 babies and feeling so alone. I love my babies I do but I don't know how to do this by myself. I want to get them and take them back to Va. where I was the happiest but, I can afforide to take care of then by myself up there. So here I am feeling mesrible. I see the babies all the time and get them for the weekends but, I don't know what to do. There is just nothing here and I know they bored but I just don't know what to do for them. Then I find myself missing my home, my job, everything up there I wanted to share and give my babies. A place with hope and a future, to be with 2 people that love each other , my son to have another boy to play with and learn from. Now I am afraid I have lost the man I love and the life and future I always dreamed of with the man I love, his son I love like he was mine, and my children. But knowing I will never have that now well........

It's Been Sooooooo Long

I know I have not posted in a LONG time. So here what's up.....

As of right now I am still with my long time boyfriend. (Almost 2 1/2 years now) He even gave me a promis ring for Christmas. It is a GORIOUS Claddagh ring. The sad thing is I am getting ready to go. We are still together but there are some things that I need to do. I need to go get my babies. I keep getting a lot of Bad information about what was happening to them.

1st weekend in Texas

Let me start with last night. (Friday)My Dad's ex-girlfriend (Sherry)call and wanted me to go out with her and a friend. So I said Ok. We went to Parkway Grill. It is a sports grill. We had a lot of fun. We even had a round of drinks bought for us by a couple of guys. That was a first for me a guy that I am not with buy me a drink. I got back to my Dad's around 1030pm. I did call Steve a couple of times while we were out. Then call him when I got back to my Dad's. He was playing and said he would call me back in a little bit. Which was fine. I changed clothes and put my Sally pj's on. While I was waiting for Steve to call back I dozed off, but I had the phone right by my head so I could answer when he called. And I did, but I was tired and so was he so we didn't talk long.

Steve called me this morning. His voice was the Last I herd last night and the First I herd this morning. Is there a better way to fall asleep or a better way to wake up?? (besides in his arms) I don't think so!! Anyways he said he was eating Sadwiches not Sandwiches but SADwiches because he was sad. Ohhhh :( We talked for a little bit and he told me to get up and get out of bed. I told him I was awake and I was it;s just I was nice and warm where I was. But I did get up and I went to the livingroom and talked to my Dad's girlfriend for a while. She is So nice and a lot of fun. And I can say that I Learned a lot from her. And a lot of it did make me Blush. So those who know me knows what we were talking about. ;)

This evening my dad, Patti (his girlfriend), and I went to Texas Roadhouse. It was Sooo good. It's a stake house and the waiter was real nice. You start off with Hot Rolls and Honey Butter. Then Patti and I had a salad. (YES I had a Salad) Then we all had 8oz stake.They were really good.They had been telling the waiter how I live in Va. and that I missed my birthday here. So the waiter said "Oh! Well we may just have to get the saddle then" Now the saddle it well is just that. It's a saddle sitting on a chair or something that is about as high as a highchair. They wheel it out to you with all of the other waiters and waitresses clapping their hands. You get on the saddle and everyone in the restaurant yells "YEA_HAW!!" How do I know this you ask... Well it was done to me Tonight. We were all laughing so hard and my face was SO red, but it was fun. Right afterwards I called Steve and told him what happended and he just craked up. He wished I had called him when I was on it so he could hear. I feel bad cause I didn't, but it all happended so fast I didn't think about it.

I talked to him on line when we got back to daddy's and he turned the web cam on so I got to see him. I then installed Patti's web cam (Yes me by myself) and we web camed and talked on the phone. It's not the same as being there, but it was nice to hear his voice and see him on the web-cam at the same time. I Miss him so much!!

Now I just wait to see what adventures tomorrow holds.

Now The Rest of The Story

Ok where did I leave Off ???
Oh! 15 Feb. Steve surprised me with a VERY Romantic dinner and The Melting Pot. We started off with some wine. Then cheese fondue. I was So Good. Then stake, chicken, shrimp (which I tried), lobster ravioli (which I tried), and tuna (yuck!!). It was delicious. For dessert we had chocolate fondue with strawberries, cheesecake and some other things. It was all Sooo good. He is Sooo romantic.

Then came 16 Feb, The hardest day ever. Steve came home early cause he was have a hard time at work. We had Sundae Pie together (and it was not even Sunday yet). Then I gave him a card that had a necklace with a key on it. I am wearing the other half of the necklace which is a heart that says "He who holds the Key can unlock my Heart" We then left for the airport. When we got in the truck a song started playing and that was it I started crying. Steve made me a New CD with our songs on it. Some of them are duets that we sing together. When we go to the airport and I got checked in. I think that was the hardest time for me. We stood out side security holding on to each other. I did not want to let go. He walked me up to security I still had an hour till I was supposed to board, but we knew the longer we stood there the harder it was going to be. Before he was out of my sight I showed him 1 4 3 with my hand. Then he was out of sight. When I got to my gate I called him and we talked till I got in the plane. I listened to my CD all the way to TX. And I am still listening to it now. I Love Him and Miss Him Soo Much. I can't wait to get all of this taken care of so I can go back.

This was not Good-bye just ... See You Later.

Amazing Times

Wow!! It has been a month. Let’s see where to start. Well I am back in TX. for a little while. I just need to take care of some things and them I am going Home. Yes I will be going home. So all you girls out there that are thinking Steve and I are broke up and you might have a chance with him....WRONG!!! I will be going back to my man. And I can't wait to be back in his arms again.

But before I left we did have some special times together. Like the time we both stayed home from work cause we were sick. (Yes we were sick) We slept late and then went to the couch. I think I was worse than him because he got up and took care of some things and me. He brought me meds and made me lunch. Then we curled back up together and watched TV.

Then Super Bowl Sunday we went to Damons and had some hot wings then went home and watched the game. Neither one of us really knew the teams playing, but I told him to pick one and will go for the other one and we will make a bet. The bet was the person who lost had to do what ever the winner wanted all night Monday. Well I was the Eagles and Steve was New England. We picked on each other through the whole game. I fell asleep and missed the last 2 mins. of the game. When it was over Steve took me to bed and tucked me in. Then as he was walking out of the bedroom door he whispered "Oh! You Won." So I went to work the next day thinking I had won and when I told a friend of mine about our bet she asked "So what do you think he will make you do tonight??" I looked at her funny then she told me the score of the game. When I got home that night we sat around for a little while then Steve jumped up and said "Well I guess I need to start dinner since I lost last night." I was told not to say anything but I had too. He told me that he just wanted to wait on me all evening and he knew that this way I would let him. He is so sweet.

Lee came in the 10 Feb. and we went and got him about 830pm from BWI. Then my last day of work was 11 Feb. It was a sad day for me. I really loved working there. After I got home..(This was hard because I was carrying my new luggage I just got and Steve’s Valentine present. Which was heavy, but anyways) after I got home I had to pack up some things so we could head to Farpoint. That was a lot of fun. I got to see my new friends (since I don't know when I will see them again) but they know what is going on.

On Sunday the 13 we took Lee back to BWI so he could go home. Which I know he was really happy to be home so he could sleep. He did not sleep well while he was gone.

Then Monday was Valentine's Day. I got Steve a large champagne glass full of chocolate candies, a bottle of wine, a silk rose and it came with 2 smaller glasses. I made him a candle light dinner and when he opened the door I had red rose petals from the front door to the dinning room table to the coffee table. I had all the candles lit and I was sitting on the couch in my black dress. Before he got home I started panicking thinking he was not going to like it and things. But he told me he Loved it and the made me Very happy. Then after dinned he took some pictures of us and me. Then we listened to music till 24 started. After 24 I made him a hot bath with candle light, soft music, and rose petals in the water. Then (yes another then) I had rose petals from the bathroom to the bedroom where I was sitting on the bed with a piece of tuxedo cheesecake and we fed it to each other.

I will catch up the rest later.

A Long Weekend

This was a long weekend or a short week. How ever you look at it. I am Off Monday and Thursday that makes for the short week.

The weekend was good though. I talked Steve into going into the book store Friday night and I was able to get the book I have been looking for for several months. It seems it was republished under a different name. It was "Disco Bloodbath" but it is now called "Party Monster". There is a movie that was made after the book. But I have made a goal that I am going to read the Book first then I will watch the movie. So far the book is really good.

Saturday we were supposed to go to a party with Paul but he was not feeling well. So Steve and I went out to eat. He took me to "Red, Hot and Blue". I will say they have some really good ribs. Of course that is all Steve would let me get. ;) I will say Steve was right about that place. And Audrey will Love them. I can't wait till we can take them there.

Sunday Steve, Paul and I went to IKEA. Steve got a coffee table and an entertainment center. (Which he let me help put together...hehehe) We put them together that night and they look great.

Monday I got up and read my book for a while and done some laundy So I could get ready for work Tusday. And what makes this a Wierd week is I am also off Thursday.

Me & MS

This is not something I mention much or even at all, but I have got to get it out. Not many people know but.... I have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I was diagnosed with it 9 April 2004. A date I will never forget. Over a few days back in April I lost the ability to move my left arm and leg. I did not worry much about it because it happened once before 3yrs ago. Back then, it took about a week and a half then it went away. So I did not worry much about it this time. About a week after this one happened I went to the Doctor for an ear ache and he saw how I was and would not let me leave till I had an MRI ran. After that I was taken down to Neurology, where I was told I had a "Text Book Case of MS". The symptoms were there plus I had 2 lesions on the brain and 1 one the cervical spine. Also I was told I had a lot of scarred tissue on my brain. (Well I guess that can explain a lot about how I am....ha ha ha) Someone needs to make light of this and I would rather it be me. But I am doing ok now. I can walk, run, and wave my arms, ect. ect. ect.

Granted I DO NOT like my meds but, that is only because I don't like to put the needle in my leg. I do make a point of me being the one that does it because I don't want to rely on anyone to do it for me. I am the one that needs to do it and I know that. I will say I don't know how diabetics do it every day. I only have to do it once a week and that is hard enough but, I do it. And I know that is the important thing. I want to stay Healthy and be able to do what I am doing now. I won't lie I do have some hard days. And there are some days that I really hurt. But I am DETERMED to get through it. And I WILL!!!!!

Yeah !!!!!

Steve comes home tonight. What else is there to say. His plane will be here around 8:45-9:00pm. I can't wait to see him. ;) Plus I get to spend tonight and tomorrow with him. Can you believe that my work let me off for 2 days. Also the numbers are so low they didn't need me and I had a big chance to come home early anyways. So it's all good.

Almost Over

Finally the weekend is almost over. I thought it would never get here. I am tired of this holiday but, ready for New Years.
Plus I can't wait Steve comes home Tuesday night. So that is around ...
55 hrs. or
3,300 mins. or
198,000 secs.
;)

But whose counting ;)

Just Another Day

It has been some long days for me. Steve left last Tuesday going to Oregon to see his son and family. I know they were happy to have him come in and I know he is having a wonderful time with his son. And that is More Important than anything.

As for me well...I spent Christmas here at home. I was suppose to go back to Texas but, well lets just say things don't always happen the way we want them too. Steve tried to change my tickets so I could go home with him but, once again something out of our control. So I canceled my leave and stayed home and went to work. I told everyone not to worry about me being home I would just pass it like any other day and that is what I am doing. But you know it would be a lot easier if there were not So many Darn Christmas movies on TV. So needless to say I have spent a lot of time doing things around the house and watching a lot of movies (not Christmas related). And just to let everyone know Yes I am doing fine (Ok Steve). Just one more day and I can go back to work and just 2 more days till Steve comes home. :)

Well that is all I have been doing but, there is one thing I have learned. No matter how hard you try to pass the day by Deep down you know the truth. I don't know what hurts worse just being alone or knowing the truth Why you have to be alone. But hey it's all good,. Everyday is a lesson learned. A lesson from life.

Plus like I said 2 more days till Steve comes home. ;) Then on to the New Years!

December Catch Up

Now for December catch up. 3 Dec Steve and I went to a spirit night. That was really cool. The only thing about that night was now everyone knows about my cooking. (hehehe)
4 Dec was the 501st Toys for Tots at Toys R Us and Steve Company Christmas party. I was told I was going from sci-fi geeks to computer geeks all in one night. That made for an interesting day and night but, I Love every minute of it.
The 18th was the GT Christmas party. GT parties are always Fun that is why GT ROCKS!! Doc and Diz gave Steve a Black Spiderman ornament and a collectors Darth Vader for Christmas. And they gave me a Talking Love-A-Lot Bear. hehehe I Love Care Bears.
The 19th was real special. Steve woke me up with Breakfast in bed and gave mr a Giant Funshine Bear for my birthday. Then we laid in bed and watched 2 Buffy's from season 7. After that we went to get Steve's hair cut before he left of Oregon on Tuesday. We stopped by Hot Topic first where he bought a Gir action figure and us matching pj's . Well almost matching. His is Nightmare Before Christmas Jack pants and I have Nightmare Before Christmas Sally pj's. After that we went to get his hair cut and while we were waiting he thought I should be pampered so he got me a manicure. I told the ladies everything he had already don’t for me and they went "Awwwwwww That’s so sweet" Then told me that he is So sweet that they’re are going to have to steal him from me. Noooo !! No take my Stevie!! Then we went home for a quite dinner.
The 20th was a COLD day 8 degree temp and a -7 degree wind chill. I went to work and Steve stayed home to finish laundry and things so he could start packing for his trip.
Dec 21st Steve left at 6am heading to the airport and will be back on the 28th. I know he will have a wonderful Christmas with his family and especially Andrew. Steve is right where he needs to be. I wish them a wonderful Christmas and all my Love to them.

Oct. and Nov. Catch up

Ok, So much has happened where to start?

October: First I have got to tell what happened when I got back. I got back from TX on the 20th of Oct. and Steve was going to picked me up from the airport. He told me to call him when I got there so he knew I was getting on the plane. That’s all fine but I was late when I got there and by the time I got through security my plane was doing a final boarding call. So I had to think fast Stop and call him and miss my plane or get on the plane and come home. Needless to say I got on the plane. I felt bad that I didn't call him but I thought he would understand. My plane landed at about 11:30 pm that night and when I got off the plane I was hoping he came to get me even though I didn't call him. When I walked off the plane there was No one there I thought he didn't come and I almost started to cry. So I slowly walked out and was looking around when I walked around the corner and OMGosh!!! He was wearing his suit and had a dozen roses for me. Then I started crying. He is SO Sweet. Then well... what I did that weekend is not important because I have nothing to do with them any more. So I am not going to even bring anything about them up. The next weekend was the Halloween Party at Marc and Lori's. It was Soooo much fun. Steve went as a Air Force Pilot and I was ... well you could say I was a Pilot groupie. It’s hard to explain you would have to see the pictures. Let’s just say it was a LOT of fun.

November: On that Monday I had my interview for a job at a CDC. And the funniest thing happened. They looked at every thing I had done at the other centers and I was hired in the spot. Not offered a job, She stood up and shook my hand and said you are hired. Just like that. Can you say WOW!! Well it was to me. I started on 16 Nov. 13 Nov. was the GT bowling party. On the way there we stopped at Potomac Mills and Got Doc a birthday present (which was on Sunday) and Steve got me a new skirt for my Trooper Groupie outfit. Bowling was interesting though since I don't Bowl, but hey I got 2 strikes and that was way cool for me. Steve got I don't know how many and he won the game.

By now Thanksgiving was coming up. Lee and Missy invited us down there for Thanksgiving. I was able to get approved leave for the 26th so Steve and I could go. We left after I got home on the 24th. Which was around 7pm and the drive to Lee and Missy's is about 10 hours. So needless to say we got there early Thursday morning. I was supposed to help Steve drive but, he let me sleep some in the truck and he drove the whole way down. When we got there we crashed. We slept for a while before going over to Lee's parents for Thanksgiving Lunch/Dinner. It was So nice of them to invite us. After wards we went back to Lee and Missy's house and I don't know what they did but I know I started falling asleep on the couch and Steve took me to the bedroom and laid me down so I could rest. Then that evening we sat up talking. On Friday we went to the Charlie Daniels Distillery. We ate Lunch at our favorite BBQ place there and walked around for a while. That is such a cool place. Then back to Lee and Missy's for manicures and pedicures. Well the girls at least Steve and Lee played EQ2. Saturday Missy and I went shopping for something to wear to the symphony that night. Missy got me a beautiful purple blouse and black shawl. I love them. That night we went to the Symphony while Steve and Lee watched Lee and Missy's babies. And just let me say I LOVED IT!!! The music was awesome. When we got back that night we talked and played cards. Now that was fun but, I REALLY need to learn how to play 21 better. (hehehe) Sunday Steve and I headed home. Another long drive. Steve drove first and I fell asleep ( I didn't mean too I swear.) Steve woke me up around 12:30 - 1 o'clock for dinner/lunch. I could not believe where he stopped. He stopped at my favorite place SONIC. Mmmmmm. After we ate we filled up and Steve went through a car wash. He thinks its funny cause when the water sprays my side I jump. I don't know why I just do. Then he pulled over and let me drive for a while so he could rest. We finally made it home around 11:30 I think. Jusr enough time to get amoe sleep before getting up and ready for work.

Almost Time

Yesterday was a long day, but I don't know how it could have been sense I slept most of the day. I am Sooooo tired it is hard for me to keep my eyes open. I guess my body is telling me it is time to stop. I know I have been sick for several days and I guess the stress on top if it my body is telling me something. I will be home soon. Back to My Boyfriend Steve. I Love him and Miss him.

I Know! I know!

I know! I know! I know I haven't blogged in a while. I knew every one had at least skeleton in the closet, but I never thought I would find a Whole cemetery in mine. WOW!!! I'm trying to remember everything that has happened. 1 Thing is I got into another argument with my Ex-husband (like that is a surprise). Well this time it was over the phone and I was Bold to him when how I felt, but he just began to snap at me more. I brought up some of the things that he done to me and again how I felt and the only thing he would say to me was I did not do anything to you. And you did not go to the MPs, you did not go to the Dr’s, and you did not call the cops. You have no proof of anything because I did not do anything and if you don't stop threatening me I will put a restraining order on you. Now with that if you don't have any thing else to add....he said when all of the sudden my best friend Boo said Ya!! I got something to say...and went off on him. She had heard the whole conversion because I had her on 3way. She told him to try denying it to her because he admitted it to her. Boy did that shut him up and he knows that what ever she says about it is not hear say because 1 he admitted it to her and 2 She herd him say it so it is not hear say.

A couple of days later he was demanding the babies all of the baby’s things back. So my sister-in-law and I got the things that his Aunt and he got them. The rest was mine I bought it and our papers and that I can keep it. So that really ticked him off. But you know what O-WELL !! I'm tired of walking on egg shells afraid that I am going to make someone mad.

Then I got to spend my last weekend with my babies. He said I could not have then Friday night because we were going out of town to a game. I mean damn it is just a High School Football Game, but he still would not let them. So I picked them up Saturday morning and changed their clothes so we could go to a Tea Party. It was a lot of fun and my girls Love dressing up. Even my son looked cute. After the tea party we went back to my brother and sister-in-laws to rest. We rested and watched movies. Just the 4 of us all curled up. As a matter of fact we did that the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday.

Sunday evening after the babies left my dad, his girlfriend Patti, my brother, my sister-in-law and I went out to dinner just to talk things out. So we are all on the same level. So that is what I am doing now packing to go back. Soon.

Don't Read!! Feeling sorry for myself

This is not important so no one listen. I never meat to creat a problem and that is the way I am feeling right now. I know I waited to long to take care of this. I was Wrong and I will admit I was Wrong. Everyone kept telling me to go back and take care of this and I didn't. I know I should have and that was my fault that I didn't. I was just not ready and Yes I know that is not an excuse. And everyone was right I am paying for it now. I would never wish this on anyone ...EVER!! I don't have many friends and I am Very Lucky to have the ones I do. I know I have done things in the past to all of them that hurt them and saying I'm sorry just don't sound like enough. They mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. I am just Really Sorry I did not listen to them sooner. Now I understand the meaning behind everything they were saying to me and I'm sorry (see there I go again) I did not listen to you sooner.

A Slow Day Sort Of...

Before I start on today let me say what happened late last night. I was talking to My Best Friend Boo and was telling he what all was going on here when all of the sudden I felt my foot wet. I was doing dishes so I just thought that I spilt some water on my foot. So I look down I see the cabinet doors are dry so I open them and water pours out of them. I tell Boo to hold on and sit the phone down and holler for my Brother. Then I began to say to my nephew "...Get... brother.. now ....dirty... towels ...water...floor...hurry." I know that sounds messed up, but yes I really said that. He got up and looked and said "Oh my Gosh!! What happened??" Anyways all it was, was something came loose from under the sink and that was all. Easy fix. I know a big Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha for me, but that’s ok.

Today was a slow day... sort of. I woke up early and went to work with my sister-in-law. That is around 6:15am TX. time. I had an appointment at 8:15am. After that my brother picked my up and I went to the office with him. Everything was going ok until my ex-husband started pulling his crap again. His aunt was at went to the counselors office and was telling there counselor that he has Exclusive rights to the babies. I told my brother that her office was close and he told me No I needed to stay with him. Well when we got to his office I sit down and just broke. I started crying.

I am never going to get way from him am I? He is going to haunt me the rest of my life. He will never let me and my babies go. What did I do? I couldn't go through it any more so I stood up. (Yes with help. a lot of help) But what did I ever do to be hated So much.

I now see everything that was done to me was not my fault, but I am being hurt for standing up for my self. So is this a no win situation. I know I should have listened to my friends and came back sooner, but I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. How would you feel if you had to face the person that made you feel lower than dirt? Someone who said that they were your husband and loved you, but every time they were with you, you were called every name in the book from s**t, to a w*o*e, and that is the only thing that you do good is on your knees or on your back. How are you supposed to feel? After time you begin not to care and I did. Sorry about that enough for now maybe I will explain more later.

It's Monday again ?

O.k. This is what happened last night then I talked to My ex-husband. I had a time and a place to meet and talk to him. Just me and him. Soon after that he called me back and backed out of it. He told me he doesn’t know when he will be able to do it he has so many appointments that he can't reschedule. The more I talked to him the more upset he would get at me for every thing and tell me I caused all of this. The good thing is I did not get mad or loose my temper or even raise my voice. I talked to him nice and calm. The Real funny thing is I have a feeling things are fixen to get Real interesting around here. I don't know why, like I said just a feeling.

Try this again...

Ok I will try this again Friday I got my babies. My son was sick, but the girls went with us to the football game. They did a Great job. They are now 7-0. The score was 16-0 and on the road to district. Anyways after the game we went back to the house and got ready for bed, but both girls wanted to sleep with Mommy. So me and an 8 year old and a 5 year old curled up on a twin bed. Yes I said Twin Bed and watched "Invader Zim" We Love Gir!! But after the first 15 minutes of both girls were asleep. We slept together all curled up together. Yes, I know... Awwwww, but I Don't care I LOVED every minute of it.
The next morning was Saturday and the girls had counseling at 11am so we were up and going. My youngest daughter got to go first this time to talk to the counselor. She was happy about it. So while she went and done that my oldest daughter and I sat out in the waiting room. She read many books to and she is doing very well. When that got done all four of us talked for a while. Afterwards we went and picked up my son from my dad's. My dad said he had been lying around and not real active all morning. My dad had had him since around 8:30am and we got there about 12:30. That is a long time for a 3 year old to just sit around and do nothing. My dad stepped in and told him I was there and he ran outside to see me and gave me the biggest Hug ever. When we got in the truck to go back to my brother's all he would do is lay his head down on the arm rest. You could look just look at him and know that he was not feeling good.
When we go to my brother's house I laid my son down on the couch. He wanted mommy to lay down with him and I told him "Just a minute let me get your sister ready to go." my youngest daughter had a birthday party to go to. It Was A Strawberry Shortcake birthday party at that. She was a little sad to be leaving mommy but like I told her she will be right back to see mommy. So he went to the party and a friend of my oldest daughter came over and they played. Which was nice she had not seen her since their daddy took them on that horrible Saturday afternoon. About an hour later the girls was saying they were hungry so I made them hamburgers, but I made my son a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Which only lasted for about an hour and a half then he was sick. So I just tried to keep fluids in he all day. When me baby girl got back she told me what a fun time she had. Then my oldest girl, her friend's dad asked if she could go with out to dinner with them. She looked at me with those big Brown eyes and I told her she could if she wanted too. She had not seen her friend in 2 weeks and I knew she wanted to go. So that evening my 2 young ones and I curled up and watched cartoons. My son fell asleep around 8:45 and was out for the night. The girls came in around 10:45pm. Yes, I said girl's my oldest her friend was spending the night. Which was fine she is a real sweet girl. My son did wake up once and get sick and then my oldest got sick. Luckly it did not hit my youngest girl. Or at least not yet.

Where to Start ??

Where to start?? Well first I can say that my ex-husband is a total ass, but anyone who has ever read any of this will already know that. My son was sick Friday Morning when the ass called me. So I told him to bring me the girls tonight and if my son was feeling better Saturday I will get him. He said well I have already made other plans. Then he started saying "Well that was just this morning he is up and doing better now." ... . I can't do this right now I will come back and finish later.

I Get My Babies

Did I mention how much I Love Thursday? I got to see my babies last night. WOW! They are so big. My sister-in-law and I took the girls to counseling and my Little Boy stayed with my dad's girlfriend. Which was fine they all Love her. She is really nice and shows a lot of Care and Love for my babies. My dad only got to see them got a few minutes, but he was out of town yesterday and got in about 30 minutes before they left. So at least they got to see their Papa before they left.

Then I asked my youngest girl how she liked her new house. She said that she liked their new house. I asked her where she slept and she said on one side and her Big sister slept on the other. I thought she meant that she slept on one side of the room and her sister slept on the other. So I asked her if that was it and she said No her and her sister sleep in big bed. She sleeps on one side of the bed and her sister slept on the other. Hmmm. When the Counselor and my oldest was done and said how sorry she was that she did not get to talk to her. My youngest girl said "That's ok. I got to spend more time with my Mommy." and she was Happy about that. I know my daughters councilors can't tell me what was said in there sessions, but I did get the impression that my oldest thinks every thing is fine. She said "Yes daddy used to do that, but he doesn’t do those things any more and he helps us with our home work. Everything is fine" She did tell us that someone came to talk to her at her new school and she thinks it was CPS, but I know nothing about that.

After that we went back to my dad's house so I could spend time with all 3 of my babies. They are so wonderful! My son has started a new thing. He loves the movie Spiderman. So now he runs around the house holding his arm out and going "Shhhhhhh" Not Go" Web" or "I web you" but "Shhhhhh" it is So cute. He also runs all over the house doing will I guess you can call them flips. My oldest can almost do the splits and back bends and cartwheels. She loves doing those things. My other Daughter has been taking Dance, Tap and Ballet. She showed me some things that she learned and she looks cute in her dance outfit. I really need to take more pictures of them.

Tonight I get them and we are taking the girls to the Football game. My son is not coming because my ex-husband told me this morning he was sick. So I called him and told him to keep him and I will take the Girls to the game and we will pick him up in the morning. He told me well let me see what I can do cause I already have plans tonight. Then continued to talk to me and ask me if I knew anything about CPS going to my girl’s school and talking to them. I know nothing about it and I told him that. He makes it sound like they are looking at both of us, but when it comes to CPS that is all on him. I have nothing to do with what he did. He brought all of that on himself. I know that now.

Well I guess that’s all for now if I think of anything else I will post again.

Yahhhhhh!!!! Thursday!!

It is finally Thursday! That means I get to see my babies. I can't wait. I will say how today was interesting though. My brother, sister-in-law, and nephew left this morning and did not even wake me up. I woke up around 9am and everyone was gone. Well ok I guess it is time for me to get up. Someone was coming over to look at the air condition and the plumber was coming so I needed to be up and moving when they got here. The first thing I did is tell My Love Good Morning then checked my mail. I had a Very Romantic card in my mail and to sum it up real easy "I can't help...Falling in Love with You" I Loved it then I watched the wonderful video from yesterday like 10 times.

Then I was able to talk to my Boo for a little bit. It was funny when I called her husband was on his cell phone with her and the house phone with me, Yes that means he was Very confused, because we were both talking at the same time and he could not understand either of us. He actually tried putting the phones together to see if we could talk to each other. LOL that was funny, but No it did not work. She was on her way home and said she would call me when she gets there. When she did call First thing I did was ask her how she was doing, Then the next thing I did was tell her how Sorry I was for not Listening to her sooner about my marriage and what was happening to me. She tried to tell me and so did others, but I did not listen to them I just thought I could make it better.

I also know they Are my True friends because they stood by me through all of this. They did not turn their backs on me when I did not listen to the. They stood there and supported me through all of it willingly. Not because they had to but because they wanted too. They make me feel Special. Well, I will write more later, after I see my babies.

Wow! Already Wednesday

Well let me see if I can catch up from Saturday. Sunday not much happened just took it easy around my brother's house I think. Monday ...My sister-in-law was sick and I know feeling well so she stayed home and we worked on pictures for the football team. We did call legal about the papers and they said we were right in the middle. True the papers are not signed so I can go get my babies, but also the papers are official documents. So it is 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other.

It all depends but they know a lot more about the case now. Also I went in with my brother and was able to get a Large Hot Chai Mmm. Just what I have been wanting!! Today ...Tuesday well I had an appointment at 3pm so I had to go in with my brother, because his office is right next to the counselor’s office. So that was Cool. I got to spend all day at MSU with my brother. I even got to go and sit in one of his classes. I really enjoyed that. When I got back to his office he let me look at my e-mail while he went to a meeting. When reading my e-mail I got an up date that my boyfriend made a 2nd post on his blog... a sappy one and it was a video. When I got to my brother's I was able to see the video...WOW!!! I Loved It!! It was a video of us and 1 of our favorite songs. I have to go but I will add more when I get back. Ok I'm back. I went with my sister-in-law to decorate the locker room. Everyone loved her poster.

Something else I learned today ... what happened in my marriage was Not my fault. I took the blame for a lot of it over the years, but now I understand more. I am Sorry I did not listen to my Friends when they tried to tell, but I found out that that is what a victim does. They deny what is happening and think they can make it better, but now I know the truth. It is hard for me to face and admit it, but now I know that is what I was. Now that I know I refuse to be a victim again. I am Glade I had my close friends there to help and Support me through it. They have been there for me through all of this. The before and after. My Friends Mean the World to Me.

Saturday

Well first let me say my nephew played a Great game last night. They won 27 to 3. They are now 6 and 0 undefeated. WOW!!! We meet them at the school and gave them a victory Welcome. Meaning we blinked all of the car lights and honked the horns. We did not get back to the house till around 1am. Today was a slow day. I was asked if I wanted to go into town with my brother and sister-in-law. I told them I need a shower and she said they would wait for me. So when we finally left they went and signed for there new mini van. Which they waited for several hours on, but finally to get it done. Then we met my brother at the university tp pick him up and go to lunch. We went to "Johnny Carino's" Ummm Italian food. It was good. My sister-in-law had angel hair pasta with artichoke. My brother had Johnny's Combo (lasagna, chicken parmisan, and spaghetti) and I had 3 meat pizza. I know sad everything else I could have got and ordered a pizza. Needless to say we had out Supper Then took my brother back to his office and then we went to run some errands. When we finally made it back to there around 8:30-9:00pm. I called my Honey to see how he was doing and he told me that his computer crashed. Which made him Really sad, but last I herd from him had it fixed and up an running, after 4 hours of working on it. And now ... Uhhh... Ummm....Well let me say this my brother is telling me about ...nothing I am hearing nothing ...I think I need to go to bed. I'm writing my blog!!!! I know nothing. I Am Writing My Blog!!! I Hear Nothing!!!

O M Gosh !!!!!

Will this ever stop?? Last night was great! I got to spend time with my babies. We had Supper together and played. It was a lot of fun. Plus I was supposed to get them tonight and we were going to go watch my nephew play Football. Which was going to be great. Yes I said WAS. Now my ex-husband told me today at 2pm (which we were supposed to have them by 4pm) anyways he called and aid his lawyer advised against it because it is an out of town game. Plus since the papers are not signed I could just run off with them. Now he has to explain to them why there are not going to see Mommy tonight or all weekend like he promised them. He just wants his way and is trying to get it, but for this ...for the things he is putting my babies through He is going to PAY!!! at any cost. Oh but he did say I could have them next weekend. Who ever believes that ... ya right NO one believes that. I just need to calm Down I know, but I am just Soooooo Mad I can't see straight. I will try to write more later after I calm down.

AHHHHHHH!!!!!

I never knew this would be this hard. Ok wait first let me explain some. Everything was going fine (or at least I thought so) until Friday. Well let me back up a little more. I separated from my NOW ex-husband in March. He said he would leave my babies with me, but then he changed his mind the day he was leaving and took them. I was told "We came up here as a Family we are leaving as a Family. Now get in the car!" I told him "No I was not leaving with him!" I didn't want my babies to go, but I also knew where they were going to my brother and sister-in-law's. I even talked to her and made sure that she knew that they were coming. She told me "Yes" they are going to be here.

So I did not worry as much. Was I going to miss my babies.... OMGosh Yes! I have never been away from them til now. I also thought he would take better care of himself if he had the babies. Boy was I WRONG!!! He did nothing and I mean NOTHING. The babies started school and daycare here and when I talked to them they sounded happy they liked their school and daycare, but they did miss mommy. I can understand and I talked to them a lot. I also knew they were safe at my brother's. When my ex-husband would call all he could talk about was how he did not want the divorce and he wanted us to work it out. I tried for almost 9 years and I can't do it anymore. I know better now, the things he was wanting me to do was WRONG!! Now I know that. I just can't believe I done and put up with it for so long.

Now my main concern is my babies!!! I don't believe they are safe with him. I seen the pictures of the House he had the babies staying in. They were Sooooo nasty. I don't know how a person could live like that. Granted I know I am not a Neat Freak, but what I saw was just gross. Dishes in the sink with food still on them...molding. Dirty clothes all over the house, 1 pair of dirty undies were left in the bathroom for over a Month. They were never touched. It was just sick!! When I found out about all of this I was Sick. My family called me and told me what was going on and I flipped. What parent wouldn't?? Well wait I know 1 cause he let them live like that. Anyways they asked me if I would sign temporary custody of them my babies to them just until I can come and get them and take them back with me. I thought about it and I knew they were in a safe place. They were being taken care of. they were stable and happy. So I knew that was best for them. At That Moment! At this moment in time I knew I was not able to bring them to me and take care of them like I said At That Moment. So I did sign. There lawyer told them they had enough to keep him from getting them. So they would be Safe, Stable and Clean Environment. A place they knew and were happy.

But things did not go as planned and he got temporary custody of them. As soon as I herd that I Flipped. My Boyfriend, yes I said Boyfriend (will explain later) took the phone from me and talked to my sister-in-law and found out what was going on, As soon as he herd what happened he had me a ticket and I was on my way back.
I landed about 9am and made it back here by a little after 11. I got to see my babies for a little while. Boy have they grown. They gave me a big hug and just hung on. I loved it. I got to be with them for about 3 hours til there daddy showed up to get them. Mind you he had No idea I was coming in and would be there. First I walked around the corner and he saw me and with a smart ass voice he said "Hey! How's it going?" I was Sooooo mad all I could say was "You Fu***** Son Of A Bi**** !!!! That is all I could get out. Mean while me babies locked themselves in a bedroom and would not come out. When they finally came out they latched on to me and would not let go. It was the most Heart Breaking thing ever to see and he just stood across the street watching with a smart ass look on his face. My oldest kept wanting me to go with them, but I knew I couldn't. She ran and asked her daddy and he said "Mommy can come if she wants too. I'm not stopping her." So now it looks likes I didn't want to go. It's not I didn't want to go I couldn't go. I didn't want to be alone with him. I don't trust him! So now that brings us to Now! Trying to figure a away to get them back where they are safe.

OK! Are you ready for this?

I don't know where to start. This is my first is my first postand I don't know where to start. Let me think about it and I will be back. PROMISE!!!